Today's Grab Bag of Thoughts

Almost 1 month to the minute today my Dad called me to tell me my sister went to Heaven. I'm thankful I was with her for her last birthday. She got to eat her favorite food and spend it with her family. As the month has gone by I have been lucky to be super busy at work so that my mind really can't wander much. Home is a different story. Let's just say I am going to have the cleanest, most uncluttered room soon. My Garage may even shine after this all. Today I found myself thinking about her kids a lot. They just seem so far away. I miss them so much. I pray that God has his arms around them and is keeping them safe. I pray that if anything ever happened to their fathers that I would be able to take care and raise them the way Stacy wanted me to. I pray that a certain someone has updated his will and IF anything was to happen to him that the girls would BOTH come live with me. I could not bare the thought of losing them for good. It's hard to think that ri...

Day 1- Thankful that my Sister is no longer pain and will always be young and beautiful. Day 2- Thankful for the family God has given me. Day 3 - Thankful for growing up knowing all my grandparents and great grandparents Day 4 - Thankful for my health. Day 5: Thankful that Sergej and Matthew have each other again and in the USA. Stacy would be so happy. Day 6 - Thankful that though it may not be the greatest job on Earth, that I still have a job to go back to today. Day 7 - refer to day 6. Many long time employees just got let go. :-( Day 8: I am thankful for ALL my wonderful friends who have been with me in these last 6 months (and over my lifetime). I could not have have a better group of friends - even if FB is our only place to talk these days. I LOVE YOU ALL! And those are not just words. Special shout outs to Erika - Denali Frederick - Thank you for letting me lean on you all the time, everyday and just letting me be me. Jennifer Stark Falkner - Thanks for letting me rele...

I have finally realized what that statement means to me and really more than I want to lately, in regards to my mind. Though at times we may be physically alone in a room, car or anywhere it does not mean you are truly alone. Because for me, my mind never stops running around even at night. It is constantly playing my heartbreaks over and over in my head. Reliving my fears again and again. Going over my mistakes time after time. Looking into my dreams deeper and deeper. Calculating my next move and the one after that. Weighing the consequences of my desires vs potential embarrassments or rejections. Praying every second, every minute for my family, friends, acquaintances and strangers for peace, safety, health, healing and happiness. Even when I want to be alone. Even when I need to be alone. Even when I am alone...my mind or conscience is always there keeping me company. Get to know yours. Listen to yours. Embrace yours. “Always let your conscience be your guide” - Jiminy Cr...