One month down, a lifetime to go.

Almost 1 month to the minute today my Dad called me to tell me my sister went to Heaven. I'm thankful I was with her for her last birthday. She got to eat her favorite food and spend it with her family. As the month has gone by I have been lucky to be super busy at work so that my mind really can't wander much. Home is a different story. Let's just say I am going to have the cleanest, most uncluttered room soon. My Garage may even shine after this all.

Today I found myself thinking about her kids a lot. They just seem so far away. I miss them so much. I pray that God has his arms around them and is keeping them safe. I pray that if anything ever happened to their fathers that I would be able to take care and raise them the way Stacy wanted me to.

I pray that a certain someone has updated his will and IF anything was to happen to him that the girls would BOTH come live with me. I could not bare the thought of losing them for good. It's hard to think that right now I should have been out there preparing for Thanksgiving with them. That Stacy might have even been home to Cali by now. That all our plans have been ended.

It's just like they say, you can plan your life all you want but it will do you know good. God has a plan for you and he will show you it in his time, in his way. I keep wishing I just had one more time to say good bye. Yes, I know she knew how much I loved her, but just one more time. I find myself regretting not pushing her a bit more on her living will and other documents.

Recently I found out that a friend of mine has been having problems with her sister and that they don't even talk. It really broke my heart to hear that. I understand that we all have our own opinions and that sometimes we hurt the ones we love...but if Stacy had left this world without me being able to tell her one more time that I loved her I'd be a mess. Think of all the regrets I'd have.

Life is too fragile not to tell the ones you love how much you love them, EVEN IF you don't agree with them. Forgiveness is not for the other person it is for you and your spirit.

Sister...
I want you to know
that I consider our friendship
one of my greatest blessings.
Together, we've built a relationship
that is strong and enduring.
We've consoled each other
and stood by each other.
Our friendship has truly been
a cherished gift,
one that always will remain with us.
I am thankful for all
that we have meant to each other
over the years.
You have touched my life
in so many ways,
and your friendship is something
I will always cherish.
- Deanne Laura Gilbert

I miss you Stacy, my sister, my friend

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