Today's Grab Bag of Thoughts

     Recently I started thinking about why dating is so hard, and why as a now single mom it will be even harder.  Before posting, I read a lot of articles from other writers about their reasons for not dating specifically single moms. I can’t say my eyes flew wide open or that I had this massive epiphany, but I can say that it was sad to read.  Not sad in the way that I was feeling hopeless about never finding the one, but sad in the way of wow there are some very jaded people in this world that over generalize their opinions to a specific category of women.  Please understand that this does not relate to ALL men, ALL people, ALL humans, but a lot.  Also that my reasons to why dating a single mom do not relate to ALL single moms, just many I know or have known.     No, I have not taken the time to interview anyone and won’t.  Why?  Because this post is not meant to be the end all list of why you should date single moms.  I can’t possibly be considered an expert on the subject of

     Today is Christmas, the day that we symbolize the birth of Christ.  The day that God came into this world flesh of flesh.  As we go through this day, though I know the significance I can't help to think of how many people that don't.  Can't help to think of all of the kids that think it is just about the presents.  Then I think about my kids and how my favorite part of our day was laying in bed and hearing the whisper as they sneak out of their room trying to not wake up anyone.  Ok yes, this is the day that the Lord came to save us, but how precious is it to see their faces as they open their gifts? As the day progressed, sadly it was no different from any other day with or without toys.  Fighting, yelling and absolutely no manners.  Though they did not ask why there were not more gifts, this made me happy.  One did compare how much was given to the other kids and mentioned that a lot.  Why?  Because they are human. Why do I care?  Because I did not grow up with t

It has been a long journey, in my opinion, but today marks one month from my ACL reconstruction surgery.  Week one - lots of bed rest, two crutches, but not a lot of pain.  Week two - one crutch, back to work, bumming rides and a lot of CPM time.  Week three - mostly one crutch but sometimes mostly just the brace, I can walk with it unlocked now.  Pain is only at nights now, but feeling good.  Week 4 - finally started PT, and it hurts like hell.  Though I am moving pretty well, but when I asked my therapist she said I was a bit behind but can catch up with a bit more work.   One month down....

Last night I had two different machines delivered to that house.  One that moves my leg for me and one the ices it.  I use the movement machine 6-8 hours a day for 2 hours at a time.  They pain is minimal with the machine but oh my goodness when I try to stand up and the blood rushes back into my leg from being elevated! Ouch!   I took the bandage off today: I have an autograph, 6 holes and I think 12 stitches.  Not too much bruising.  :-) all in all it doesn't look too bad. Pain level is from 4-8 depending on what I am doing, but I can put pressue on it and my walking isn't to bad.  Time to "work out"

I haven't posted much about my injury from July, but I tore my ACL 75% and it was reported that I tore my meniscus and bad sprains to the rest of the ligaments or tendons.  For the last 4 months I have been hobbling around the house, work and just life.  I have had dramatic to very light pain.  I've gone to therapy and cried.  I think it was the worst pain I had ever been through.  But yesterday 11/4/14 I under went ACL reconstruction.   Got to the hospital at 5:30 am for checkin and prep.  They asked me tons of questions while I laid there in the gown under a new type of heating blanket.  They asked my at least 10 times who I was and what I was there for. Though it was a be annoying I was very comforted by this.  The nurse got my IV in on the first try and that made us both happy.  All of the nurses and doctors were very great.   The angstostliast freaked me out a bit but I am so glad he took his time finding what he was looking for.  They said his nerve blocker would last fro

Growing up I remember hearing about people being right brained or left brained.  I remember thinking I am totally the creative right brain person, but then at times I am very orgaized and systematic.  Then today after having a conversation with a co worker about gray hair I had another idea, theory or just a thought. Thought: Does the side of the head you have more gray hair one show which "brained" you are. So tell me readers...do you have more gray hair on one side of your head than the other?   If you Google this topic and there is a lot about gray matter but not gray hair.  I have more gray on my right side and this co-worker has more on her left.  We are also very different in that matter.  She is very systematic and compulsively organized and I am well we all know more a right brain person. Do I have any scientist for readers?  Anyone else have more hair on one side rather that the other?  Of course if you dye your hair you probably have no idea how to

Just how do theyice without the internet?  Without TV? Without electricity? They actually read by candles??? Do they actually talk to each other or are they so tired from thier chores they pass out?  Week one at the new house and the mini person is asleep and all I have is this smart phone with unlimited data and I and going crazy! 😉 Maybe I should put some stuff away. But it is so hot. Back to the iPhone instead. Seriously how do the Amish do this.  Hahahaha 

on my sisters 34th birthday I find myself ending the day like usual on her birthday or anniversary...lying in bed cuddling with a Nacho, crying, watching the slide show and now blogging.  (Slide show from the service-  https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10151493365525259&id=599790258  )  Lying here my mind starts to wander from s ome healthy logical questions to others not so, yet I wonder any way.  I wonder what a birthday party in Heaven looks like.  I wonder if everyone you've ever known goes or if it is just family? Does the big guy make an appearance?  Is the saying up there...it ain't over until the "big guy" sings?   Do you get gifts or because your are in heaven and you already have all you could want is their presence gift enough?  Can I get fireworks set off for my birthday every year in heaven? Did Stacy have a good day? Does she miss us? How does she deal with the extreme emotions she must be having being able to see us but never be with us? T

The artist Colbie Caillat has written not only a very powerful song but an amazing and very moving video.  So many times we are asked to be more than we are.  You don't look the part.  Everyone should be skinny.  You need to put make up on because you look tired. You need to be more sexy to get a man.  Change this, change that....but why?  God made each and everyone different and beautiful in every way.  We are the ones that take that pure beauty away from ourselves and each other.  Why?  Why do we glamorize skinny? Why not glamorize HEALTHY.  Good food choices, exercise and loving ourselves for who we are?  Life is way too short to worry about what other people think about you...it is more important that you love you.  We need to take hold of our lives and our children's lives and start love ourselves for who we are and loving others for who they are.  When will my daughter stop coming home and telling me someone called her fat? When will families stop talking about weight all

Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap. (1 Timothy 3:2-7 NIV)

Very early this morning I had the most vivid dream about a baby girl.  She was totally mine, birthed her and all.  She was gorgeous. Her smile melted my heart.  I even breast fed her in my dream.  I am telling you this was a life like dream.  Beautiful green/brown eyes, dark brown hair and all.  Even Alyssa loved her.  She said can we call her Sophia the first.  I said her name is just Sophia, but she is our first. Yes, there was a father in this dream...but he face was not as clear as the rest of ours.  OF COURSE. Hmmmm....Baby Sophia I can't wait it meet you some day.  Until then that time....I will just say I loved meeting you this morning.

Today was the first big event in Alyssa's life and I never thought it would be as hard as it was.  As I stood there alone waiting for the auditorium doors to open, tears just stared streaming down my face.  I couldn't stop thinking about Stacy.  How unfair it was that she wasn't there for this.  This spiraled into my mind going to all the things she will miss...5th grade promotion, 8th grade graduation, High School, 1st dances, Proms, college, weddings everything that a lil girl wants her mom for.  It's just not fair, but I am beyond honored to step in.   There are days when I look at her and she is totally me.  Days she is totally Stacy.  I used to always say God will give me a lil girl and she is going to be so girly I won't even know how to relate.  She'll love pink, dolls and glitter, but I would make her love sports.  Well he did just that.  She is the best and some of ther worst of both of us.  The ways we come out of this beautiful little girl is amazing.

Today I got so many wonderful messages.  It was very nice to read.  However, as the day draws to a close I realize much more so today then ever, I have a lot of people fooled.  I will be the first to admit I suck at this mom thing.  I can't control my temper, I expect too much, or maybe not enough.  I don't say I love you enough or hug enough.  I am unfair and just mean.  I hear that voice in my head daily, shut up Terri! I give you grace daily and you lose your temper at every turn.   Today, is made up to be a big deal, but really I should thank my mom daily.  I may not have given birth to her, but she couldn't be more like me if I did.  Some days it is like looking into a mirror.  Attitude, selfishness, demanding, emotional, dramatic and easily frustrated.  Then I look again and I see the smile, silliness, happy, sweet, loving person she is.  She wants to please me,  it is so used to getting her way always that it is so hard to not push for it.   I love her more than word

My faith in God is the most important thing in my life.  Sure I love my child with all my heart and soul but without the grace and the planning of God, she would not be here either. I am always stumped when people say to me how could you still believe in God after this happened to you or why would you believe in a God that lets bad things happen to people, namly you?  As much as I would like to quote a bunch of scripture at you but I can't.  Or maybe I really can but don't have the confidence in myself to do it.  It is so hard for me to put it into words, but I trust God and his plan for me because every time I try to take things into my own hands I don't always get it right.  I trust him because even though he gave me free will he already knows I am totally going to screw things up.  I love and trust God beause even when things are as bad as I think they can get and then get worse I know there is a reason for it and it may take days, months or years to figure it out but I

A few weeks ago I posted something like "thank you Facebook for inspiring me to stop using you and actually call people to really find put how they are."  However, that staement is not 100 % true.  It was a cross between seeing some family that weekend that I had not seen in months, texting with some friends about their lives and how they really were AND Facebook posts I was reading that were driving me crazy. I mean we all have those friends that do nothing but post pictures, NOT their pictures but internet pics all day long.  Or that friend who sound manic/depressive if you sit down and read their posts one by one in order.  There is also that friend who always sounds so positive but you just talked to them and they are not doing well at all.   No I am saying that everyone is crazy, or hiding something not being real on Social Media, but I am saying social media has taken away (for me) some of the real live connection in a relationship. We now just go to a website update ho

Today I have so much to say I can't even get it all out.  So here is the cliff notes version. life is too short to make promises you cant keep friends are important until they stear you the wrong way people should breath before the speak my head hurts, my heart is breaking things once close are so far away fat is a relative term commitments are do not have out clauses i am human i dont have all the answers i am flattered you trust me but i am not strong enough God is real, or i'd be dead, or in jail, or on the streets for some of the desicions in my life death brings people close, secrets tear them apart my head hurts did i mention that. i will break a childs heart tomorrow, or show her the best story of grace like Easter.

Tonight I was on yahoo messenger with my lil sister.  If you are new to this blog this doesn't sound weird at all. However, my lil sister passed away over a year and a half ago.  It hurts like it was yesterday and it feels like ages since I heard her voice and laugh.  Yes I realize that she couldn't answer me, but I saw her name and couldn't resist.  I want to tell her so much.  I want to show her how awesome Alyssa is.  I want her to know how smart Matthew is.  I want her to know Haley eats on her own now.  I want her too laugh at my stories.  Shake her head and agree with me on issues.  I want her to tell me I am crazy.  I wanted her to talk back.  To tell me how awesome Heaven is.  I wanted to know how my grandparents are.  I wanted to know if God gave her my child to raise while I am here on earth.  I wanted to know if all our dogs and cats are still hang out with her.  Are the chihuahuas still all over grandma D.  Is God as wonderful as we say he is? How is she feeling

It's Wednesday night again and as I walk to my normal table at the local Starbucks I wonder will he come in?  Will he walk into this place again and smile at me.  As I sit listening to the jazz music that fills the air and playing the simpsons tapped, I reallize that the time is just creeping away.  Why isnt it 8pm yet.  Will he and his son walk-in?  Will this be the day that he talks to me?  Will this be the day I get the guts up to say hi to him?  Will he stay for a bit today or hurry out like usual.   Many people walk in and out all night and I barely notice them.  Then suddenly as I get absorbed in facebook or something I hear his voice.  I slowly stop slouching, but seriously like he didnt already see me slouching.  Maybe he likes slouching.  Did he see me at all?  Does he see me every week?  So obsessed my brain starts going miles per minute.  What am I going to do if my starbuck gift card runs out?  I could build a gofundme.com page and have people donate to my dating fund.

It was about 3:30 in the morning and the room was very still.  There was only a slight bit of light coming in through the window casting shadows of various greys and black all around.  The house was silent, except for the sound of the cat litter box making its screeching noise as it cleaned.  Moments after it completed its duty, a small whisper could be heard.  "Mommy...Mom...Mommy", but there was no answer to the whisper.  "Mommmy" said the small voice.  Then in return "what?" said the mom.  The whisper came from a small scared child.  "Mommy I am scared." she said.  "Huh?  I can't hear you.  You are talking too quietly" said the mom.  "I am scared.  When I open my eyes I see shadows." the child said.  "That is because there are a lot of things in this room and the small light makes them cast a shadow.  You'll be fine I am right here." said the extremely tired mom.  "But I can't sleep." the chi

Let me just start out by saying what there are not too many options in: 1. Good single Godly Men 2. Ice cream flavors 3. Comfortable shoes 4. Good, reliable and honest friends 5. Good TV show Ok seriously I should really get back to the whole point of this blog post.  I guess I have already illustrated my point that there are too many things that I could go on about.  This post is about how many different book ideas that are running through my head.  No to mention all of the books I have already started here on this trusty ipad.  Maybe I should take a vote on which one my readers want to read. BEWARE THERE ARE TOO MANY OPTIONS, but each has value and an interesting point of view...ifI don't say so myself.  Below is a list of the working titles. 1. Pay Attention to me, Please!  - this was orginally my memoirs, but has kind of morfied into a collection of short stories of my life. 2. The Red Wine Choronicles - this either a whole book on one insident or multiple funny true stories of

In July of 2012 - my sister and husband entrusted me with the lives of their 3 children.  Though it did not work out that way in the end, it is still incredible to me that someone believed in me that much.  This last year has taught me that without God in our lives we would be lost.  That my sister knew that it wasn't just trust she had for me, it was faith in me and in what God was telling her.  Who am I to second guess that?   Though being a single mom can be trying at times, lonely or hard...it is the most rewarding and only worth while thing I have done with my life. I'm not looking for praise and recognition from the world my peers or anyone.  I am doing what I know God put me on earth to do.  Raise this little soul to love God, her family and to treat everyone with respect.  To show her that life isn't always what we planned or wanted, but we can overcome anything with him by our side.  That loss is hard but not impossible to get past.  People say I have helped her,

Day one of the 40's...so far so good.  Why was 25 so hard and 40 so easy?  Well that is because at 25  I had so many plans for myself.  I wanted so much for myself and I kept saying that by 25 I should be xyz. Well now, I have realized or come to accept that God has a plan for me and that it all will come out in his time.   My plans be married by 25...God's plans married when and if he wants to. My plans have kids only after marriage...God's plans raise my sweet niece now. My plans move up the ladder and get that title...God's plans go teach to get a perspective on life, then realize that life is much more than the title you have unless that title is MOM.  My plans never rely on anyone for anything...God's plans show me that life is about relationships and letting your guard down sometimes and letting people in and let them help.  Humbling.  We could go one for ever at this...but you can see that God's plan is always better than ours.  I may not be where I thoug

Found this video on Netflix today, so I thought I'd have a little fun with Nacho.  Little did I know it would be so awesome. Check it out:  http://youtu.be/tpVbBDwpSCI    And  http://youtu.be/iNCyCr8pIx4 Enjoy! 

I think we'll win that competition. The Gold metal goes to the USA.  Way to go Ralph! Lol not! 

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Consider this your link to all Super Bowl commercials. I will let you know what Alyssa and I consider worth googling or checking out you tube. They are in no certain order, just the ones we love.  Cheerios:  http://youtu.be/LKuQrKeGe6g This one is funny. If is happened to us Alyssa would be so happy. Though she would be like are you sure there is only one?  I want twins.  Oy vey Radio shack- way to go 80's:  http://youtu.be/FF3T6-jJhSc Turbo Tax - nicely done:  http://youtu.be/faLR29bnkXw H&M- hotness:  http://youtu.be/6Bp9NF8jrWk Tebow for T-Mobile:  http://youtu.be/82L8gL12ZbM  and  http://youtu.be/5svJ_C_7CRM Audi- oh that would be a mix:  http://youtu.be/wcXtsvFYhqw Heinz - way to make the old lady get the fart:   http://youtu.be/ehBWPaty9nI Budweiser - love is blind:  http://youtu.be/uQB7QRyF4p4 One for the little one, Alyssa loves Full House:  http://youtu.be/DrcaeAumAZo Commercials that made me tear up:  Budweiser:  http://youtu.be/K7L5QByvXOQ Microsoft:  http://youtu.be

Looks like it is that time again I am laying down to go to bed and I start my prayers and then my brain just wanders over and over again to so many different places. Like every night I thank God for the life that I have and everything he's given to me, everything he will give to me, everything he's taken from me and everything he will take from me and then the rest goes crazy. As I lay there my brain just wanders from thought to thought. When I catch myself doing this I stop and think that God must be up there thinking alright already get to the point. Or possibly having some laughs with the Angels thinking does she ever just tell me what she needs and what she wants. Of course and I catch myself to start praying all over again from scratch. Thank you God for this and for that and so on and so forth. Then it hits again my mind wanders. And next thing I know I'm having a complete conversation with myself in my head and not praying anymore. Sometimes I even wake up and think

Wow! It is nice working at a place that not only appreciates you, but a place where the stress is having to leave work because your 4 hours are done but they went so quick and you just can't believe it. But they just need one more thing.  What, you don't care if I work longer days?  I recently took a job for only 3 days a week and only 4 hours, crazy that I actually like it and would not mind adding more hours.  I really hope that when I am ready for a full time job they are ready for me.  It if funny how when you lose everything that your priorities in life change and you don't think the same about money.  Sure I will miss somethings, but having time with Alyssa is more important than material things.

SERIOUSLY???? Who in the heck do these men think they are?  I mean you must be single for a reason! Not all women are exactly a like and just because someone did or said something to you doesn't mean we are all the same.  Come on! You can sit there and say I am not like other men...but if I use your rational I should just say oh your're one of those guys each time you say or do something someone I dated once did.  My advice to those who will listen (not many): 1. No one is perfect and neither are you.  There is no reason in the entire world that you should be anyone you are not.  Be real.  Let the other person be real. Don't be judgemental.   2. Yes, there are many people in this world that are fake or post pics that look nothing like them.  If you've met one of these people of course you'd be skeptical to meet anyone else.  But then what is your choice...be alone for the rest of your life? Not everyone is going to screw you over....open up to the chance of happines

And still epic failures, Ugh.

Kids just don't understand that the world does not revolve around them.  That their parents could actually have other relationships.  This morning while I was doing my bible study, my daughter woke up.  When she asked if she could come into my bed I agreed but told her this was my personal time with God and I did not want to be interrupted. Well after maybe 5 minutes, the interruptions, the trying to get away with something she is not supposed to do and the telling me that she was going to be late for school happened.  As I sit here trying to get my heart back to learning about God all I feel is anger.  I feel like she could care less that I have a life too.  Yes I know she is 6 and will grow out of somethings, but this rudeness it one thing I just don't care for.   I am trying to get right with God and my head is so foggy with anger.  I am writing now, just to clear my head and ask God to help me now scream at her when I am done because she is still sitting right here still in