Recently I started thinking about why dating is so hard, and why as a now
single mom it will be even harder. Before
posting, I read a lot of articles from other writers about their reasons for
not dating specifically single moms. I can’t say my eyes flew wide open or that
I had this massive epiphany, but I can say that it was sad to read. Not sad in the way that I was feeling
hopeless about never finding the one, but sad in the way of wow there are some
very jaded people in this world that over generalize their opinions to a specific
category of women. Please understand that this does not relate to ALL men, ALL people,
ALL humans, but a lot. Also that my
reasons to why dating a single mom do not relate to ALL single moms, just many
I know or have known.
No, I have not taken the time to interview anyone and won’t. Why?
Because this post is not meant to be the end all list of why you should
date single moms. I can’t possibly be
considered an expert on the subject of relationship or single motherhood. I am just a blogger who happens to be a woman
and a single mom that wants to be heard.
A single parent defined as
is a parent, not living with a spouse or partner, who has most or all of the
day-to-day responsibilities in raising the child or children.
As I read through these “Why I Don’t Date Single Mom” articles it became
very obvious that though many women are single moms due to possible bad
decisions, carelessness or recklessness, many men (please see my caveat above) are lumping us all into that category
without even taking time to find out WHY we have kids and no husbands. Another thought I had while reading these
articles is how some of the reasons given actual could translate to any single
woman, mother or not. I say this because
I have met or heard about a lot of women that could fit the traits I am about
to list (just a few) below. Please note
my comments are in italics.
1.
She decided to
have kids without a husband: this demonstrates that she has terrible and
selfish values. And could see men as only a sperm donor or child support payer
not husband/father.
- Severely
over generalized, you don’t know her story unless you ask.
2.
Financial
Problems: You will have to pay for everything and soon dates become family
outings and you have to pay for those too.
- There are millions of women that already
feel this way, and they don’t have kids.
Also who doesn’t have financial problems?
3.
Never available:
They always cancel dates or can’t find time to you.
-
IF she
wants to go out with you she will find away.
Yes, life does happen but anyone can cancel a date, she doesn’t have to
be a mom.
4.
You are not a priority:
Because she has kids you will always be dead last or not thought of at all.
-
If you think you
should be #1 in someone’s life you should date yourself. Single
mom’s tend to be more selfless. Single moms tend to put others’ needs before
their own.
-
5.
Selfish, narcissistic,
dishonest and manipulative: She thinks the man better drop everything for
her. A single mother is a LIAR. It’s how
she gets what she wants. It’s how she manipulates people. It’s how she takes
care of her kids. It’s how she survives in this world. She has an entitlement attitude.
-
Sadly there are
millions of single women that act this way.
You don’t have to be a mom to be any of these things.
6. Drama/Baggage: You will have to deal
with the baby’s daddy. They are always a
victim. The kids could work against you.
-
Who doesn’t have
a past? Some people (men or women) are
just drawn to drama no matter what.
There is nothing you can do to stop it.
You just have to get out of their way and move on. Many single moms don’t play games. They don’t
have time to just fool around. Most that
I know takes her relationships seriously: She’ll only keep you around if
the relationship is a good thing for both her and her kids. You won’t have to
guess if she’s into you. She can articulate
what she wants and needs from a relationship.
7.
Distorted
self-image: They think they look better than they really do
-
This excuse made me laugh out loud. You
can walk around anywhere in this world and see people who think they are much
better looking than they really are. You
have to have be a mom to do this. Heck may people also think the reverse about
themselves. They think they are worse
looking than they are. I think more moms
tend to feel dumpy much more often than a totally hot sexy babe. But that is my opinion.
I wondered if these writers looked on the positive side to why dating a
single mom could be good? I, personally,
think we have a lot to offer that maybe your otherwise single woman may not. Here are just a few that I did not mention
above.
1.
Single moms are
tough and independent: instinctually, men want to feel needed. But just because we CAN be tough and
independent does not mean we don’t like to be taken care of. This does not mean we don’t need or want you
or reversely that you have to. Single
moms can do it all, but are super-appreciative of a helping hand. Woo her with
kindness and acts of service
2. Single moms are both practical and fun. There’s
no room for diva behavior: See negative characteristics above J
3. She’s adaptable: She knows that life
doesn’t always go as planned and has learned how to make the best of it.
In all seriousness the list of over generalizations, seemed to me more like
reasons why not to date at all. I did
however, find a few bigger issues/reasons caused me to take a step back that I’d
like to address. One article stated that
by dating a single mom you could possibly get accused of being a child
molester, because they are not your kids.
I had never even given that any thought at all up until now. I bet there are a lot of men worried about
that. That branding never goes away, so
why would you want to hug, hold hands or be around someone else’s kids. WHY?
Because any person worth having
in your life would never accuse you of something like that without undeniable
proof.
It also mentioned that relationships are hard enough without kids and that single
moms are sizing up every guy as a “potential” daddy. This is true, relationships are hard, but any
worth keeping are worth the work. Also YES,
we are looking at you as a “potential” daddy, but why does that have to be a
negative thing? I don’t know about you,
but I date to find my “potential” husband and father to my children….but I did
that even when I didn’t have children.
Why else do people date? Lastly
that there is chance for double the heartache when you date a single mom. It is true there is double heartache but it goes
both ways if the relationship ends. You
will miss the woman and her kid(s), but they will miss you too. It is just a fact of life. To me, that is like saying I won’t ever love
anyone again because I don’t want to get hurt.
After
reading all of the article against and for dating single moms, I realized that
in my opinion that there is only ONE
real reason not to date a single mom or dad for that matter…not being able
to love them enough. Let’s very honest,
if you know you will end up loving your (our) own biological kid(s) more than
my kids and your (our) kids will get special treatment than it is pointless to
date a woman with kids.
You should only date a woman with
kids if you know that one day if the relationship leads to marriage you will be
able to fully love her kids like your own 100%.
Comments
Post a Comment