Are you still reading?

This message is for a special person in my life that used to read "my tales of the rails" and I hope has followed me to this blog. You should know who you are. (Sorry if you are not this person, but just needed to write like I always do, from my heart.)

P- At times I look back at where we could have been over these last 15+ years IF you didn't make that one decision that changed everything. I understand why you did it, but not why I didn't get a choice. I was angry for a long time, but have forgiven you for years now. 
I was so blessed that you searched for me years later and did not stop until you found me. I cried and almost fainted when I heard your voice on my answering machine. It was amazing to hear your voice and see you again. I could not believe that you'd been back at my college to speak and were thinking about me too.  You came back in the most perfect time, but just as things start to feel normal you leave again without a word. I would have chosen you and all that would have come with your condition; then and all the years prior.

Then a couple years ago you found me again and began to read my blog. Then you found me on Facebook, wow what a surprise that was. Even if it was short lived, it was a time for me to feel, well no matter how corny this sounds... I felt whole.

As I said, I know why you decided what you decided time and time again for us, but in my heart I wish you would have let our story unfold. Think of where we could be now. I would have taken all the pain, tears, hard times and even death if that would have happened, just to have had that time with you.  I know God is always by my side and would have helped us through it all.

I guess subconsciously I think about you at certain times of the year and consciously at other times. Today you (obviously) have filled my thoughts and I just wanted you to know that you are and will always be in my heart. I hope you are feeling well (as much as you can) and that you will get on touch with me again soon.

Sending this with all my heart, mind and soul.  

TP

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