Yahoo messenger

Tonight I was on yahoo messenger with my lil sister.  If you are new to this blog this doesn't sound weird at all. However, my lil sister passed away over a year and a half ago.  It hurts like it was yesterday and it feels like ages since I heard her voice and laugh.  Yes I realize that she couldn't answer me, but I saw her name and couldn't resist.  I want to tell her so much.  I want to show her how awesome Alyssa is.  I want her to know how smart Matthew is.  I want her to know Haley eats on her own now.  I want her too laugh at my stories.  Shake her head and agree with me on issues.  I want her to tell me I am crazy.  I wanted her to talk back.  To tell me how awesome Heaven is.  I wanted to know how my grandparents are.  I wanted to know if God gave her my child to raise while I am here on earth.  I wanted to know if all our dogs and cats are still hang out with her.  Are the chihuahuas still all over grandma D.  Is God as wonderful as we say he is? How is she feeling? How is the weather?  I just want to hear her voice or get a text.  I just want to know she is ok and to let her know how much I really miss her.  

Not sure why today the feelings are so strong but they are.  I was even waiting for the call from her asking if we felt the earthquake because she was watching the weather channel and they told her all about it and she wanted first hand info.  Oh and for her too tell me it was probably going to rain tomorrow or that they say their is a good chance of it.   To which I would say...it never rains in Southern California. 

As I lay here I can hear Alyssa breath and sort of snore and I want to joke with her that she sounds like Grandma.  Oh and that she asks about her a lot and really wishes she could have remembered meeting our grandparents.  Stacy, she misses you so much.  I miss you so much.  I don't even know what to say to her when she says that she misses you and how long will it last?  I almost lose it each time.  But the reverse is she doesn't miss you and then what? Ugh 


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