Life and the rollercoaster ride it is

My faith in God is the most important thing in my life.  Sure I love my child with all my heart and soul but without the grace and the planning of God, she would not be here either. I am always stumped when people say to me how could you still believe in God after this happened to you or why would you believe in a God that lets bad things happen to people, namly you?  As much as I would like to quote a bunch of scripture at you but I can't.  Or maybe I really can but don't have the confidence in myself to do it.  It is so hard for me to put it into words, but I trust God and his plan for me because every time I try to take things into my own hands I don't always get it right.  I trust him because even though he gave me free will he already knows I am totally going to screw things up.  I love and trust God beause even when things are as bad as I think they can get and then get worse I know there is a reason for it and it may take days, months or years to figure it out but I will.  I've posted on that before.  

Right now I am dealing with many big and I guess somewhat difficult decisions.  Some are bigger and more impactful than others and some would seem silly to other people but a big to me.  As I sit here and try to fall asleep my brain just keep typing.  What If I can get it all out on this "paper" and then breath better later.  What if I sit here and plan it all out tonight then I can sleep, right?  NO, because just like all things God still has a plan for me and he gets the final say.  SO then what do I do???? I will type out the cliff notes version of my problems/issues and end with a prayer

God as I sit here at 12:18 am I life up to you all my worries and stresses.  Lord, as I do nightly I pray that you continue to prepare my husband for me.  That he knows I am waiting and ready to love him with all my heart.  Lord I life up to you the special ones in my heart that you know all about.  That you help my eyes be open to the possibilities and the non possibilties.  That you help me to let go and live fully knowing that you are preparing his heart and will send him in time.  Lord I life up my car and the future of it to you.  You know I have no desire to pick up a car payment or ask my family for money I know you will show me the way.  I need a reliable vehicle that is safe for me and my family.  If I am to purchase a new car, please let me not beat myself up with the payment or the guilt of not being able to pay for it on my own.  Also help me to live with in my means and not forget where I am.  Lord I pray that as the summer approaches and the new school year hangs out there, I pray you help me know IF I should continue my job here full time or start to look eleswhere in order to pay for the after school childcare, rent, health insurance and possible car.  God and my parent face a big decision to stay or move help us to decide what is right for us too.  Though I love California, maybe it is time to move on.  Maybe all this change and decisions right now are leading us to this move.  But when and how?  Lord God, as the new day arises help me to be a better mom today than I was yesterday: more understanding, loving, fun, supportive and affectionate.  Let every day be better than the last.  Please continue to bless our lives.  Thank you for the smiles lately, even if the reason is only here for a season again and not a lifetime.  Lord, I know you hear me and see me and most of all I know you know my heart, which is a bit scary but Lord help me breath through these decisons and stress.  Lastly Lord, continue to bless over the marriage I have raised up to you every day lately, commitments are meant to be kept and loving someone through good times and bad times is hard, but hey we do it with you every day.

Good night, maybe I can do somethings unladylike, fattening and fun tomorrow.  :-)