Mother's Day

Today I got so many wonderful messages.  It was very nice to read.  However, as the day draws to a close I realize much more so today then ever, I have a lot of people fooled.  I will be the first to admit I suck at this mom thing.  I can't control my temper, I expect too much, or maybe not enough.  I don't say I love you enough or hug enough.  I am unfair and just mean.  I hear that voice in my head daily, shut up Terri! I give you grace daily and you lose your temper at every turn.  

Today, is made up to be a big deal, but really I should thank my mom daily.  I may not have given birth to her, but she couldn't be more like me if I did.  Some days it is like looking into a mirror.  Attitude, selfishness, demanding, emotional, dramatic and easily frustrated.  Then I look again and I see the smile, silliness, happy, sweet, loving person she is.  She wants to please me,  it is so used to getting her way always that it is so hard to not push for it.  

I love her more than words, but daily I wonder what damage I am doing to her.  How can I control my boiling point, my toothpaste words, my overly high expectations? Yes, these are not the most positve thoughts, but honesty is the best policy and to be honest, I am so scared that I am not doing this right.  I am not looking for pity, or more compliments, I am looking for honesty.  Hey, Terri, relax she is 7. Or no you are right that was not nice etc.  I guess that is why God gave us that little voice to listen to.  

I need to remove many words from my vocab...words that are innocent but damaging I am sure.  I vow to breathe.  Listen to my hear and inner voice. Be more fun.  Less accusatory.  Try to remember that the tears fly by and soon she will be gone and grown.  I vow to try not to suck as much.