What to write???
As I am sitting here I feel so much wanting to come out but then I censor myself, which of course is the first no no of blogging. Blogging is supposed to be a release, but really right now I feel like it would sound like whining, sadness, crazy talk (which is normal lol) or just nonsense. However, I will do it any way. I may not be writing in complete sentences, I am going to just start typing and stop when I feel like it. With that said I should note that my grammar may suck, my spelling will be off and my words may not make any sense...but that makes if fun right? Buckle up, here we go.
Why I wont stop blogging, because it makes me feel good to express myself. Lately life has become very REAL. Yes, I know what you are thinking "Terri life is always real or you're not living." But I think there are plenty of us (myself included) that float through life and just let life happen. I've decided (I think lol) that I need to live my life not just let my life live me. I wan to smile and thank God every morning that I get to take another deep breath. Surround myself in the things that make me happy...friends, family, music, and more. I'm going to try to stop thinking and worrying about the "what ifs" because life is uncertain and that is the only certainty of life. I'm going to stop comparing myself to other people, because the grass is not always greener on the other side. I'm going to love my life for everything that it is AND what is not. I'm going to thank God daily and nightly for everything he's given me and will give me as well as everything he's taken from me and will take from me because he knows best. I'm going to cry when I feel like crying, laugh when I feel like laughing and not worry about what others think. I am going to be sad when I want to be and not be afraid to let others in. I'm going to not worry about what others think about me but work on helping them see God through me. I'm going to try to stop being a cliche, and try to be an example. I'm going to try to complain less and be more accepting. I'm going to go for what my heart wants and not let fear decide it. I'm going to be okay with being alone, because I'm not really alone. I'm going to accept the things I can't change because I am strong. I am going to be the person I am and not care that it is not the person I was or the person someone wants me to be. I'm going to make mistakes, many many mistakes. I'm going to slide back into reality and I am going to feel empty at times. Life is not an exact science and it does not come with a manual.
Friends and Family - know this and never forget it. You are loved, deeply loved by me. I would do anything in my power for you...sometimes I do too much. My family comes first and nothing will come between that. I am willing to give up pretty much everything, IF that means one less person has to go through pain. As much of a Bitch that I have been in the past, present or future it really was/is a cover for my insecurity. I may have a hard, she has it together exterior but inside I am a vulnerable, loving, nurturing, God fearing soul. I have the same desires as most: to be loved, respected, cherished, wanted and needed. I miss holding hands with someone. I miss soccer. I miss my sisters, my nieces and nephews, my grandparents. I love that my parents live close. I love that my family gets together as much as they can. I miss my cousins. I miss the simplicity of life. I miss missed opportunities. I miss the child I never me or held. I wish that when people made mistakes they admitted them. I sometimes wish that when you loved someone by rule they had to love you back, though then again no I don't wish that. I wish I had done somethings and not done other things. I wish that I made better decisions sometimes. BUT I DO NOT REGRET THE CHOICES I MADE, WHERE I AM, WHO I AM OR WHERE I AM GOING, BECAUSE THAT MAKES ME, ME.
Wonderful, beautiful, smart, lovable, emotional, absolutely silly, dorky and crazy MIDDLE child me.
Why I wont stop blogging, because it makes me feel good to express myself. Lately life has become very REAL. Yes, I know what you are thinking "Terri life is always real or you're not living." But I think there are plenty of us (myself included) that float through life and just let life happen. I've decided (I think lol) that I need to live my life not just let my life live me. I wan to smile and thank God every morning that I get to take another deep breath. Surround myself in the things that make me happy...friends, family, music, and more. I'm going to try to stop thinking and worrying about the "what ifs" because life is uncertain and that is the only certainty of life. I'm going to stop comparing myself to other people, because the grass is not always greener on the other side. I'm going to love my life for everything that it is AND what is not. I'm going to thank God daily and nightly for everything he's given me and will give me as well as everything he's taken from me and will take from me because he knows best. I'm going to cry when I feel like crying, laugh when I feel like laughing and not worry about what others think. I am going to be sad when I want to be and not be afraid to let others in. I'm going to not worry about what others think about me but work on helping them see God through me. I'm going to try to stop being a cliche, and try to be an example. I'm going to try to complain less and be more accepting. I'm going to go for what my heart wants and not let fear decide it. I'm going to be okay with being alone, because I'm not really alone. I'm going to accept the things I can't change because I am strong. I am going to be the person I am and not care that it is not the person I was or the person someone wants me to be. I'm going to make mistakes, many many mistakes. I'm going to slide back into reality and I am going to feel empty at times. Life is not an exact science and it does not come with a manual.
Friends and Family - know this and never forget it. You are loved, deeply loved by me. I would do anything in my power for you...sometimes I do too much. My family comes first and nothing will come between that. I am willing to give up pretty much everything, IF that means one less person has to go through pain. As much of a Bitch that I have been in the past, present or future it really was/is a cover for my insecurity. I may have a hard, she has it together exterior but inside I am a vulnerable, loving, nurturing, God fearing soul. I have the same desires as most: to be loved, respected, cherished, wanted and needed. I miss holding hands with someone. I miss soccer. I miss my sisters, my nieces and nephews, my grandparents. I love that my parents live close. I love that my family gets together as much as they can. I miss my cousins. I miss the simplicity of life. I miss missed opportunities. I miss the child I never me or held. I wish that when people made mistakes they admitted them. I sometimes wish that when you loved someone by rule they had to love you back, though then again no I don't wish that. I wish I had done somethings and not done other things. I wish that I made better decisions sometimes. BUT I DO NOT REGRET THE CHOICES I MADE, WHERE I AM, WHO I AM OR WHERE I AM GOING, BECAUSE THAT MAKES ME, ME.
Wonderful, beautiful, smart, lovable, emotional, absolutely silly, dorky and crazy MIDDLE child me.
Great, heartfelt post! And ironically, some of your best grammar, spelling, and writing yet! (BTW - it was nice seeing your parents on Saturday.)
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