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Today my baby sister has gone to Heaven. There are no words to really express what I am feeling right now. This will be one of those rambling posts that means nothing to anyone else but me, but I feel better to get this off my chest.

You are in no more pain and you have finally become strong again. I'm am so glad that God gave us the 5 months that we got. You know I thought that old doctor was crazy when he said about 6 months to live, but I guess they do know more than we do. These last few months have been great even though living on two coasts was hard at times, it was still worth it. Being able to be with you and talk and help you and really realize how much you loved and trusted me even if you could not say out loud. You trusted me with your life and your children. What can I say but WOW, ARE YOU CRAZY? :-) HAVE YOU MET ME? My sweet sister, you were also loved more than my words could say. I will always have a piece of my heart that your memories will fill.

I know that growing up we were at odds a lot, but you knew that I would always get your back. Remember that one time at Dana when Viola would not let you play much because she said you never made it to practice and so you missed out on a lot and I got in her face and told her you were watching College soccer and learning more than she could ever teach you. That she was cruel for punishing you because you were big and she never wanted you on her team. WOW it felt so great to yell at her.

I could pick on you but whoa is the other person that tried to pick on you. I would let them have it. No one picks on my sister but ME! LOL. We may not have seen eye to eye on everything in life, but as the end days came you knew I loved you and you knew that I would do anything for you and the kids.

I pray that you are up there and can see how many people truly loved you and prayed you'd get better. I hope you can see all the support we are getting from friends and family. Though I feel a bit helpless, I truly know God will be with us all. And though we never know why he chooses to take people when he does, we can rest assured knowing you are safe and that not in pain.

Stacy, I promise that from today and for the rest of my life I will give Matthew an amazing life. I promise to provide for his social, emotional and physical well being to the best of my ability. He will always know how much you loved him. He will live where he chooses, with me or with Sergej. Both of us will give him all he needs.

I promise that if the girls ever need me to also care for them in this way that I will do this with all my heart as well. They would grow up knowing how much you loved them and they would become the best that they can be. If that time comes I will welcome them with open arms. Until that day, they will always know they can call me at any time day or night. That they can visit anytime. That their Aunt loves them with all her heart and soul.

May God hold you tight as you also mourn your family, may he give you peace in your heart to know that HIS WILL WILL BE DONE.

#3 - you are an amazing, strong, loving, caring and crazy silly person. I love you and will always love you. I simply can't believe you are gone. I feel like I will walk into the house and see you...but I guess I will in the faces of those angels. Well I forgot to pack pajamas this trip but I bought you a pair I thought you'd like. I guess I'll wear those and keep you close to my heart.

The Angel Bear I got will always be a symbol of you for me and the kids. It will be a Christmas Tradition to place her at the top of the tree. I love you Stacy Lynn Perkins. May God bless your soul.